WHO AM I?

   Who Am I?    No, it's not what your thinking - this is not a quiz or a funny question. but it is a question I have asked myself over the years and finally I think I am finding out slow but sure.

I never had trouble making friends but I still use to be a person pleaser, no matter how much I did not want to do something, I would do it..  I always acted nice towards a person whether I liked them or not. I  praised even when I didn't want to. I never argued back with anyone, I would just get quite and not talk, and I would agree with a person even though I disagreed. I would agree so they would like me.

I was not assertive, plus I had no confidence in myself.-none, nada - I always thought everyone's ideas were better then mine or I would think they were right in what they said or right in whatever decision they made and I was wrong. ALWAYS. I never gave myself any credit and I was very hard on myself.   I had no confidence in me.

One thing I knew and still do  - is that I was good with hair, I was a very good hairdresser and had a great clientele .I also could make home made bread and desserts, No one could take those accomplishments away from me. It felt good to make something from scratch and see it take form, it felt good to do people's hair and make it shiny and bright with a good style,  perm or cut. I also could do Counted Cross Stitch and am proud of my work.

I am a writer, but I have very little confidence in my writing. At one time a couple of years ago a person said something to me about my writing and I stopped for quite a while. I was told it was "horrible" and they did not say it in a nice way, I think that would make anyone quit trying .
It took a good year for me to slowly start to write again. It's a passion with me, but I still don't have confidence in my work. I think twice before showing it to anyone, but being in a writers group helps me to accept criticism because they are trying to help me become better.

One problem I do have is that  I  never had trouble  speaking my mind. To this day I have to watch how I say things and even when I watch, I still say things wrong. This has caused a lot of problems for me. I realized that just because I didn't think I said anything harsh or blunt the other person thought that I did. I'm still working on that, it's a every day thing - sometimes I win and sometimes I lose - - -. I don't hear my self, maybe if I did I would know how other people hear me.

Today I still find myself trying to please people, but stop when I realize what I am doing -  I sometimes still feel insecure in things I do  - but I have as they say "Come A Long Way Baby"

I fought a hard battle a few years ago, the hardest battle I have ever faced and got through it. It helped strengthen me in more ways then I could ever say. but God willing I will never have to face that again.
Today, I am an assertive person, I will tell the person when I disagree with something and explain why. I now have confidence in me. I know I'm good at certain things. I'm not afraid to try new things, years ago I would panic and not even try, today I try and it usually turns out good but sometimes it doesn't. But that's OK - I don't fall apart at the seams .

As far as people, yesterday I let two people out of my life completely. And I can honestly say I feel good about it. I don't need to be around people who are negative - I want positive people around - people who laugh and have fun.
Life is to short to accept anything else.

So, yes I like me, I like who I am, I don't like how I look,  the hernia makes me a misfit, but it does not bother me when people stare anymore. I like the feeling of confidence I have. I  say how I feel or why I disagree with something. Finally I am my own person.

A new name and a new logo!

A new name and a new logo!

MOVEMENT **** AGELESS

  MOVEMENT -  not being still, to go forward - AGELESS- not getting old

 I use to think that age was just a number, I have always been able to do what ever I've wanted, I never thought about my age, I felt ageless and I took for granted the fact that I could walk effortless .

I found out that it's true when they say illness takes a toll on a body. After a life threatning illness, treatments that lasted 5 months.  my heart decided to act up and  do races , that  had to be treated with a minor operation, then the baby parts went bad and all had to be removed. Thats when I realized that illness really does take a toll on the body. I was like a wet noodle for quite awhile.
I am realizing something that I once knew but forgot - A person has to take care of their body, they have to excercise  to make them strong and able to withstand unexpected illness or damaged to their body. I was basically in good shape when all the illnesses started and it still has taken a toll on my body - big time. It's just not what you eat but it's what you do. You have to MOVE
The scars have healed, some reminders show, but the body has never bounced back to what it once was. No longer can I move the way I use to or even walk normally.
  Always been thin and exercising has always been a part of my life, I went to the gym, have had personal trainers,
joined curves and then it all stopped in 2006 - - -I just started back to taking care of my body physically in October of 2011 and it feels good
I find that since I started to exercise I am feeling strength in my arms and legs. Have a little more energy and feel good in my head that I do it 3x's a weeks and am sticking to it..  It does not matter that I have to be there at 7 in the am, even though my energy is low at that time once I am there and see everyone else moving, I have no problem starting.

Today the first thing I do when I hit the mall is to park in Penny's parking lot close to the door, then when I walk in I grab one of their carts that will be my BFF until I leave and am at my jeep. I know Penny's have the carts there so their customers have a place to put their purchases, but I wonder if secretly they had it in the back of their minds that it would help people like me to get around? Whatever - I'm thankful that they are there. I take it all over, even into stores that are kind of small - I get it to fit somehow.

 I have a goal to be able to walk into a store without looking for the cart to get me around, I am working towards being able to walk though Macy's with out a cart and not walking like a snail -then I will work on my next goal of being able to go up and down stairs like the majority of people instead of taking one at a time and holding on to the railing

I am thankful that I am turning 69 even though I now realize that I am not ageless and movement is limited.
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VENDETTA

     VENDETTA  A private quarrel between families or persons.

     In many cases the nationality that make up the melting pot of America do not keep quarrels among themselves.
Why is that? Because the human being has to vent, to get it off their chest so to speak. If they keep it to themselves it could fester inside of them or cause them stress. I'm speaking women here, not all women but enough.

Men, now as far as I know, well, they don't have that problem, at least none of the ones that I know. I think if they did - they would say what they have to say and then its forgotten and they go on without holding a grudge. Unless they coveted their neighbors wife or goods or even worse took a life.

My husband and I have and still do try to stress to our children that their siblings will always be there for them.  To stay close and do things together. We are blessed that they do and they are close. One of the things that draws them together is their love for music. They have a band called "The Family Tradition Band". They are quite good actually. They sing country, oldies, rock and we even have our own "Elvis" If you ever get the chance come and hear them play.
 It started about 9 years ago and they still  play together. Our one son is involved, just not musically inclined even though he can sing certain songs and play certain instruments.  I think once we are gone this will be a sure thing that will keep them together. I would love for the cousins to know each other and be friends since there are only 7 of them on the Clark side, all girls except for one little guy.  Our boys did not have any blood cousins because we were the oldest of our brothers by 5 or 8 years, quite an age gap. But we had Tom & Nancy - we were as close as any one can be, they have 3 boys all around the ages of ours. We spent holidays together, weekends together- - they were our family even though not by blood. We continued that relationship to this day only now without our beloved Tom. Sometimes you find a rare treasure in people and are blessed to have them in your lives and that's how it was and is with them.

We don't want to have  "Vendetta's"  in our family. When you live through family feuds and see the  sadness each one causes the other -and when you live through their passing without ever resolving their differences -your heart breaks because it's finished and  can never be undone. You think what was that all about? Something someone said and the other person took it the wrong way, or some stupid thing not even worth me trying to think of  to write it down. All you know is that you never want  your loved ones to ever go through that kind of hurt. You don't want them to be on the outside looking in ever. Life is way to short for over-reacting or mis-understandings. It not only involves the two who are upset with each other over some stupid thing, but also their families. I don't ever want that to happen with our sons and their families. If one or the other gets upset about something,  I hope they will always to be able to talk to one another and clear the air, then forget and forgive so they can still have each other in their lives.

Friends may come and go, but family sticks together. They have had excellent role models from their dad's side.  I swear Ron's side - they are all saints - each one of them - such love they show each other is amazing. I just don't mean Ron's immediate family, but the aunts, uncles and cousins. They rise to every occasion. They look out for each other in every way. I am blessed to be part of such a loving family. I learned a lot. 

Now, in my Italian family, it was different, Not with my parents, but their siblings,  both sides had problems that lasted for years without anyone trying to make it right.  My mothers side was over money - money - the root of all evil - truer words were never spoken. Because of money brothers and sisters never talked up until the day they passed on.  The other side pride - I missed out on many activities because of pride. Pride gets you no where, money - if you don't have your health what good is it? If it breaks up a family what good is it.  Now those people  are gone and just those unpleasant memories remain of later life. We still have the fun good memories of better days when ever everyone would gather to break bread. There were plenty of those days for memories.

I have not gone unscathed either, I tried to right it but to no avail. I have no misgivings or ill will towards them, If they want to carry a Vendetta so be it, I know I tried to make it right.After going through a life threatening disease I have no time for pettiness in my life. Life is to precious. but it is sad for others to take sides without even knowing both sides. They have to live with that and no one else, it probably does not even bother them.

 And finally - After wasted years of heartache my brother and I are rebuilding our relationship and it is wonderful inside my heart because of that.

So now my question to myself is - will I publish this or not? I don't have much of a following that it would matter. And I write for myself mainly, but keep a copy of everything for my children so they can pass it on to their children.  This is just one of many that I have written, and the only one that is not all peaches and cream, but then life is not all peaches and cream - - -  -maybe they will learn from our mistakes.

FAMILY FEUDS

Family feuds, do they still exist? I would think that in this modern world we live in that we have moved past the feuds of yesterday. How sad to find out that they still exist in one way or another.
There's the mother and daughter who don't speak to each other, how can that be is so beyond me. I know of a wonderful woman and her sister who loved each other very much. Because of words that were spoken either in haste or with out thinking years ago, they never mended their relationship. How very sad that the one sister has now passed without ever being hugged or a part of her sister's life since the misunderstanding. Or the mother of a adult child who forbade her child to speak to their aunt? It seems the mother and sister had a misunderstanding and because of that incident the child was not permitted to invite the aunt to the wedding. Or the hurt that was caused  because of the actions of  an aunt and her sisters children - it was resolved in a loving manner,  the aunts children were never aware of that, the mother neglected to mention it to her children and so the children cut the sisters children out of their lives.

 I know - it's hard to believe - I still find it hard to believe it as I type this, but there is more to put down! Yep even more true stories and this one  is the brother and sister who actually fought over a card game and never came to forgive each other, they not only lost each other but their families never got together for family holidays or events. Now it is to late as they both have passed on, A big chunk of happiness was lost between two families but hopefully in heaven they are hugging one another.  In some families it is taking place with cousins!  Wouldn't they know better after seeing what had taken place with their parents and their siblings?  
 These cousins had not been together in years and just recently got together through another cousins perseverance in finding them. All of it I think could of been avoided if the person who felt vindictive would asked what was going on instead of over reacting. Of course this is just my observation by being on the outside looking in. Who knows, it made me feel bad for the cousin who was misunderstood as everyone turned against them.  A persons reputation ruined because of a over reaction is sad for both I think.

It sounds like a soap opera doesn't it? Like the Hatfield's and McCoys.  I could expand on all of these" true stories" and make it into a best seller. If I did  write the book, I would write it  in a way that would show how all of these unfortunate happenings could have been resolved.  It is so easy to see how relationships could be mended when being on the outside looking in. 

   A misunderstanding that should have never taken place can ruin more then one persons life, it ruins the persons family. When a person is hurt, not only is that person hurt but so is the family. So hopefully by reading my blog it will make you think before you react.  Hopefully you will want to spend more time with your family and find time to do so instead of always being busy. One day you might not be busy but the family might not be there. Family is a gift - look at all the broken families today - who are the ones hurting the most? the children - by far. Take the time out of your busy life for them.Introduce them to their relatives, their cousins. You make time for your friends, so make time for your family, your blood line - talk about the history of your grandparents and great grandparents. Make them proud of who they are and happy that they are part of such a wonderful loving family.

So in the scheme of life, as you walk down the road of life- ask -  is this all worth it?, Is this what relatives will be talking about to their children, or their children's children. What about the happy times that took place before?
 The children down the road of relatives will hear all of these stories with out hearing the other side - because no matter what -there are always 2 sides.  Wouldn't you agree?

I am looking forward to see how high my graph goes up with this post.

PICTURES ON MY BLOG

Welcome to my blog - thanks for stopping by.  I had a lot of visitors this past week. The graph was way up that it surprised me, it has never been that high on the scale. It made me happy until I realized the reason everyone was stopping by.

 At one time or another a person misconstrues what is said or written, even myself. If that person interprets it the wrong way they can become angry or hurt and could retaliate in a way that ruins a good name of a good person..

It took quite awhile for me to set up my blog, mainly because I was unsure of how to go about it. In fact I'm still learning.
 I did it by myself and  read a couple of books ,plus I check out the blogs of other people. I know how to go about writing the blog, but what I don't know is how to make the background eye catching. So it is by trial and error that it looks the way it does. A few months ago In May I was veyr happy to post a picture of myself and a cousin. If you asked me how I did it  believe me  I couldn't tell you. It was a fluke  - because since then I have tried many times to post other pictures and even to remove the one that is posted now to no avail.

If any one can let me know how to remove or add pictures to a blog I would really appreciate it. I have updated pictures to post and little sayings I would like to add.

I hope everyone is enjoying this crazy mixed up weather we are having, the only thing I like about it is that the older people are able to get out and about. I do so miss a beautiful snowfall - - -don't you?


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ITS JANUARY OR IS IT?

It's over for another year. All the hype, the planning, the baking, decorating - its done.
 As my daughter-in-law said "the 3 Kings have left and moved forward". So that's what we have to do, even though our decorations were cheerful and brightened up my day, they are now carefully packed away for another year. It would be so nice if I had a room where it would stay decorated for Christmas every day. I would keep the door closed so I would not tire of looking at it and I would open it whenever I like. It was a wonderful time to spend with family and of course our grandchildren made it so special with their laughter and excitement. Both Christmas and New Years were with family, wouldn't want it any other way as these are the special times we will bring to mind through out the year. 

The cookies are gone, can't even find a crumb thank goodness, along with the nut roll and apricot roll. - A great breakfast in my opinion is a cup of fresh coffee with a piece of nut roll. The nut and apricot rolls are my downfall, no will power whats so ever. This year I can even see extra rolls on my body - so sad, but so good, especially when you only get to taste it one time a year.

I found out that even with exercising 3 times a week, I can't lose weight unless I watch what I put in my mouth.  So I try to keep all  the good stuff out of the house. No chips, no chocolate (sad) and so on but at work it is a different matter. There is always chocolate around and usually something yummy to eat - if I don't see it I am fine but if I see it -nothing but trouble. I have to get off this fixation I have with Pepsi, I am craving it big time.

It's a strange winter we are having this year. One week we have balmy, almost spring like days, then a  few days of winter temperatures with just a dusting of snow -  in this area. Now they are saying we might actually get inches of snow! I am highly doubtful of that forecast, but it excites me anyhow hoping they are right. I love to see the  snow as it lays on the drab looking landscape making all look pristine as it first falls. Of course with the cars and the snow scrappers it doesn't stay that way for long, Unless your fortunate enough to have ground with woods behind you. It's great to hear the kids exciting screams when ever they play in the snow and watching their dogs running around crazy trying catch their flying snowball in their mouth.

As I grow older and my knees play havoc with my legs, I find I am not a confident walker, I am extra careful in the snow. I can understand why older people then myself don't care much to see snow fall if they have to walk or drive in it.

Did you receive a Kindle or Nook for Christmas? How about an i-Pod or i-Phone?  I have all 3 and love the idea of being able to take a book where ever I go by means of sliding it in my purse with almost no weight to it.
There is nothing like holding a real, honest to goodness book in your hands -  but to have the option of taking it in another form is priceless. If you don't have one of the above you truly are missing out. Magazines, newspapers along with books are all at your fingertips.  You can use your library card to borrow a book on your Kindle or Nook - just download "OVERDRIVE MEDIA" and your set. It is all free! Try it - you will love it.

I'm playing Words with Friends with friends and duh and the letters to make words with or my vocabulary is very limited which I doubt - I won't give up - I find it a challenge. If you would like to play a game - I'm here

Check out Sunny Carney's Blog on Face-book or Google her name - you will be introduced to a remarkable woman fighting to make people aware of a rare type of cancer and read about her fight.

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hear that they will make a Bald Barbie, how great is that? The little ones fighting this terrible cancer can now relate with a doll just for them, Hopefully it will make other children and their parents aware of the lives being affected by this terrible monster.

FRIENDS -RELATIVES?

YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS BUT YOU CAN’T PICK YOUR RELATIVES

Many times I’ve heard people say this and I wondered why.  At my age I am only now finding out. Maybe, no, not maybe, IT WOULD HAVE  bothered me big time – this rudeness -but after a few times of rudeness directed at me - I now just consider the source and let it roll off of my back.

Someone very dear to me, who I have known all my life said to me, why do you bother to go to all the trouble of doing this? You’re not going to hear from them for another year. I said oh, no, you’re wrong. This will get everyone together and  bring us close. All we have now are our cousins to carry on memories of our heritage.  But, of course I have been proven wrong.  -  There always has to be one or two, who can put a fly in water.

Then I was asked – why are you the one that always make the phone calls or send e-mails? Why don’t you wait and see if they call or e-mail you?  I said, I don’t know, If I want to talk to someone I just call or e-mail them.  I know now that I am a fool – just because I always think someone is as happy to talk to me, as I am to talk to them does not make it so.  And sometimes they are darn right rude!

Life is too short to be sarcastic to a person. Life is too short to exclude a person from a gathering because of a hang up.  Life is too short to be around people who try to make their opinion of you – your own.

So you stay away from those people – and feel a hell of a lot better.