Tuesday, July 15, 2014
It has never become acceptable and it never ever becomes easy, it is like the very first time every time it happens. The stomach clenches, the mouth goes dry, body trembles some, and appetite has left completely. Anxiety has taken over, big time and I try not to let it show. Not that I have not had meltdowns, but my wonderful husband is the only one that has been with me through them. Thankfully there have only been a couple this time.
What is it I am talking about? It is being told that you have to have a "Biopsy." Just the word itself brings a feeling of fear, at least for me it does. Not a fear of having it done, but a fear of what it will show.
I don't know how many I have had, I truthfully never thought of myself as having to have one, I heard of it but never associated it with me, it never entered my mind - Who me? Nah, not me. Oh - yes, ME. I have had too many for sure, different names for some but the same name for others.
I have had two Pet Scans, that number I know is correct, but I can't remember how many CT Scans I have had, maybe more then the biopsy's or maybe just as many. You notice I have not mentioned MRI's, that is because I have a Pacemaker and can't have that test.
My last biopsy was this past Monday. I was awake through it but very relaxed, they numbed the area and I didn't feel a thing.
There were so many things that could have happened or have gone wrong, but God guided the doctor's hands and it was done with out any complications. I had a wonderful team with me. Thank you all that prayed for me, God answered our prayers.
Now I am in the waiting process, I should find out on Friday the results when I go to my appointment. Am I anxious - yes, but I will deal with whatever it is, if it is anything. It is in God's hands, though I am praying with all my heart that it comes back negative.
and would appreciate your prayers also.
Everybody has some kind of battle they are fighting, but I have to tell you I am awfully tired of worrying, & wondering, - I would truly love to have a free mind - I know there are many of you out there that feel as I do - -