SPENDING THE AFTERNON WITH GRANDMA

This first full day of daylight savings time has been delightful in every way. It was such a beautiful ride, we didn't notice that it took the usual forty five minutes to get to White Oak.
After parking the van, we walk up the narrow sidewalk and see some of the daffodils in full bloom, the others are full of buds ready to burst open. There are even a few crocuses blooming in a beautiful shade of purple,and in passing the Dogwood tree we see new buds on it also.
My mother-in-law is expecting us, one of her sisters and our oldest son, Ron.
 Every time I come here to Mom's home, I can feel the warm welcome and a peaceful feeling comes over me. The house is over a hundred years old and has been well maintained, it has a lot of history for sure.
 An old locust tree post supports the main beam in the basement because they didn't have" I" beams back then (yes "I" beams), or they were unaffordable. There is a cold cellar filled with all the delicious home grown vegetables and fruit from the garden.
 The foundation is built out of stone and not cement. The banister going to the second floor is the original one that was in the house, but having 3 boys, it was never used for a bride. It's a four gable roof, so it has no attic. The original chimney is used for the original fireplace that still is used, but not very often since the death of her beloved.
It once had a pantry that is now a laundry room off the kitchen. I would love to have that in my home. To be able to have a laundry room off the kitchen would save so many steps for me and I would be able to continue to do my everyday chores while the clothes are washing or drying.
Two bedrooms and a bath upstairs, eat in kitchen, dining room, living room, foyer and a laundry room on the first floor with a basement that you could eat off the cellar floor if need be. She takes care of all of it by herself!
   The dining room table so perfectly set that it draws us, but before we  do anything we go into the kitchen, and there she is busy at work. Grandma to our children, great grandma to our grandchildren.
This 92 year old woman is on the move making her delicious home made waffles, in not one, but two waffle makers that are both full. I look to the coffee pot and see the  fresh fruit salad  that looks so refreshing in the crystal cut bowl. Serving platters are filled with bacon and sausage, done to perfection. She has prepared everything herself, the table, the food - she simply amazes us with her unbound energy
Asking if there is anything we can do, she says yes, give her a hug and a kiss, then grab the plates of bacon and sausage and put them on the table and could I check to see if she remembered to put the butter dish on the table, and oh, yes - could someone please pour the home made syrup into the pitcher.
When we are done doing what she says, she comes in with a platter filled with waffles that make your mouth water just looking at them. There are round ones and square ones perfectly browned. We fight over the round ones, some of us fight over the round ones but we all manage to eat at least one. They taste just as good as the square ones, but there is something about the round ones that makes us want them. 
 We all sit down and fold our hands in prayer while she prays a heartfelt prayer. Then  everyone is talking at once, could you pass the butter, could I have some bacon over here? Who has the home made syrup? Coffee's delicious Mom, she says ,"you sure you don't want some juice"  and now we are all eating and enjoying every mouthful. Telling her how delicious it is.
This is truly an act of love. As anyone who cooks knows, it is no small job to have all the food done and served warm all at once, especially breakfast - but somehow she manages it each and every time,
After everyone has had their full and are finishing the last of the coffee, we start to clean off the table, taking everything into the kitchen to prepare to put in the dishwasher.
Once that is done, Mom sits herself down at her organ and starts playing  Christian hymns softly. They are beautiful, and she sings softly along while she plays. We listen and some of us join in to sing How Great Thou Art.
Too soon the wonderful afternoon has come to an end and we prepare to leave. We would rather stay awhile longer but know its not possible. After thank yous and hugs ,she walks us out to the porch and watches while we get in our vans and cars. Telling us to be careful driving home, she waves while we wave back.
We are so fortunate to still have her with us, she is blessed to be able to take care of herself and her home. She still paints and has just finished an oil painting. It's  ready to take to her doctor, who had asked for another one after receiving one for a gift last year. 
A lot of jokes have been said and songs sung about mother-in-law's and how awful they are. It could all be in fun, but it could be that they mean what they say.
 I can't say we haven't had our differences in the past 48-1/2 years, but they were always resolved.  She has treated me like a daughter, especially since my parents passed away. Our sons and their wives adore her and the great grandchildren love her to pieces.
 There is one thing to mention. Though there is a dishwasher, her and dad never used a microwave. They bought one once but didn't like it one bit.
She still has and uses her original stove. A Tappan that looks almost as good as new, but being 50 years or older it has a few marks here and there, that oven and those burners still work their magic though.

by the way-spell ck won't work and it's highly impossible for this to be perfect, so please excuse all mistakes.

COMMENTS

Yes, that is true. I can attest to that because of my mother-in-law who is 92 and lives and maintains her own home. She has many extra hobbies included in her life.

I was mainly addressing the elderly who have not aged so well, even though their mind is still sharp their body cannot do the things they use to.

I have a 68 yr old dear friend who is in a nursing home. Why? Her sons do not want to take care of her. She is sometimes forgetful and does not have bodily functions. So they think they did they right thing by putting her there. It breaks my heart that they did this because they do not want to take the responsibility of having her live with them.

COMMENTS

The author makes a lot of valid points in his article, which are sadly true in many cases today. However, what he doesn't mention is that with the advances in medical care, many elderly are able to live independently at home longer.

My grandparents are 82 & 85 years old. They are still living at home with very little assistance and are happy that way. As close as we are, they have stressed that they don't want to move in with me and be a burden. There are several good programs out there that provide transportation and meal services to the elderly, keeping them in their homes longer. Most of their friends are also still living independently at home as well. Even in their 90's.

There are many elderly living in my neighbor who are living productive lives. You don't notice them so much because they blend in with everyone else. They don't sit at home much. They work longer, dress younger and take vacations unlike the elderly of previous generations.


So yes, while there is much to worry about as we age, it need not be the doom that the author describes in his article

SEQUESTERING

 I read a interesting article in our local Sunday Paper. It was written by Dr.Craig Bowron. I usually skip over articles that I think would be depressing to read. I like to read what people write about, but I pick and choose carefully. Why? Because if the title is depressing than I know the article will be and I am not reading the Sunday paper to be depressed.

The title "Why Is It So Hard To Let Die?" is something I would skip over and anyone that knows me would say right off the bat that I wouldn't read this. But - I did - - -

"Sequestering Our Elderly" keep many of us from knowing what it's like to grow old. Most of us are different from our parents or their parents.
In 1850, 70 percent of white elderly adults lived with their children. Today only 16 percent have their parents or parent move in with them. If they live really close to their love ones, than the child goes back and forth several times a day and always have their meals ready for them. The elderly struggles were plain to see by the children. (Dr. Bowron)

It's a whole different world today. For most it takes two paychecks to get by. Today the woman is in the working field also.
That's how our elderly become sequestered in nursing homes, assisted-living centers or have in home care takers, even nurses.

And that my friend, keeps most of us from knowing what it's like to grow old. We don't see their physical and emotional pain everyday. We don't realize how they yearn for phone calls or visits from their loved ones. Or getting a card through the mail.

The elderly off springs feel at peace, because they think their loved ones are safe and have good care.  Have you ever visited someone in a nursing home? Do you see the ones who look hopefully out of their rooms hoping that the footsteps they hear are for them?  Or what about the ones who are not able to get out of their bed and lay there 24/7. Their sons or daughters too busy with their family, do not take the time to visit. How can a person live with themselves doing that?
Think about it, truly - picture your self in that position. Picture it being like that day after day. Realize that this might be us some day. Scary isn't it?

If it is a scary thought for us - just think how our elderly feel. Not only scared but helpless.
As I am typing this I am thinking to myself - hey - people consider me elderly, even though I don't think I am.  What's elderly to me?  - hmmm - maybe 80 or older.

 And - there is the other side of the spectrum. The peerson who takes care of their loved one at home - day after day with out help. No one to give them a break.  They don't think that their elderly loved one will stay with anyone. It's easy for them to become resentful, to lose patience. They have no one to help share the burden. So what happens? They scream and holler at them because they can't take it any more. Sure, they feed them, wash their clothes, take care of their physical needs but lack in the emotional need.
Picture yourself being treated like that some day. Scary isn't it.

Other than visiting your loved one once or twice a week, sending cards or/and flowers. Calling every day I feel is a must. I never had to take care of my mom, but I made sure I called her everyday, sometimes twice a day. My brother lived with my mom and took excellent care of her. They both took care of each other in their own way. My mom towards the end was not in the best of health and was in and out of the hospital a lot. We went up a lot but not as much as I should have - why? It was a 45 minute drive one way and we had to go up right after work so we could get there before visiting hours were over. Could I have done more, yes, much more. I live with that today - - -

So what can we do to change things around?  You just can't get rid of Grandma or PapPap. They are as important as breathing air in your lungs.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Thanks for stopping by, come back again

COMMENTS ON FRIENDSHIP

Dear Dee,

You've written another enjoyable blog entry. Why should you think yourself a fool for writing this? You made me reflect upon my BFF (since 1st grade). And I wondered why she was my BFF and how we became friends. Well, I know why we became friends. Marlene (Margo) reached out her hand in friendship at recess when I was the new kid. My family had moved to a "new" neighborhood and I was starting at a new school and didn't know anyone. It was a frightening world for a 6 yr old. There I was alone on the playground at recess and Margo came up to me and introduced herself. She was my rescuer! She made me feel more secure and less alone. I loved her for that. We've been friends ever since. We live miles apart. She's in Il and we haven't seen each other in perhaps 15 years but we keep in touch almost daily. In fact, just today I received a lovely sterling silver necklace called "Embrace". It has one angel wing on the chain and the card with the necklace reads "We are each angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another" She bought one for herself as well. We've been each others cheerleader and comforter over the years. We have history.

Dee, don't ever stop writing from your heart. I love your blog entries. And even tho you and I didn't grow up together, we grew up during the same time period and I can relate to your cherished childhood memories. Thank you for being you and thank you for sharing your thoughts. Again I say, don't ever stop writing from your heart.

Love
K

FRIENDSHIPS

Friendships are formed in many different ways.
Some start in grade school, and if your lucky enough it goes on  through high school and beyond. Or maybe it was developed in high school, with your college roommate or through your fraternity.

But today I want to blog a little about children's friendships.  How do children click with one another and have it turn into a lasting friendship?

 One way would be because of the day by day connection by living next door to kids their own age. Or they lived on a street (block) where all the kids got together as soon as the weather turned nice and played dodge ball,  hide n seek, or rode bikes together. In the fall the same group of kids would go to bon fires, football games, roller skating and in summer to the swimming pool. Girls did not play sports back then but we danced, went skating, swam, etc.

I went to Catholic grade school, for 8 years. Everyone had to  attend daily Mass. We had to sing during the Mass in Latin. Back in the fifties the Mass was said in Latin and most of the songs were sung in Latin. Father O'Hara said the Mass of the Dead every morning and we had to sing the matching songs. I still remember some of the words -Requiem,eeeeeeEterNaaaaa.
 Oh, yes and we girls wore babushka's covering our heads for Mass. (scarves)
  We had Divine Providence nuns, and they were strict -if you did something wrong or if the patrol boy told on you, because you didn't listen to them, they did not think twice of smacking your knuckles with a ruler (ouch & double ouch). If they caught us talking or sending notes to another kid, we had after school detention. Even if our parents were having a birthday party for us (like mine were). The one year I did something, (who knows what), but I had after school detention for punishment. Even though I told the nun it was my birthday and I was having a party, she didn't care, I still had to stay. It wasn't until my mother came walking in and asking me if I had told the nun about my party. When I said yes, I told her, my mom looked at the nun and said "why would you keep her if you knew this?".  I don't know what the nun said but I left with my mom -

Nuns never lacked from giving punishments. I think they had meetings to think up really hard punishments for us.:-)
We had to sit up straight with our hands folded in front of us.  They had so many rules that I can't remember half of them.

Being together 8 hours a day in the same room, (not counting when we sang for Mass or holidays) it was easy for friendships to develop and allies to form. We didn't just have one friend, but a whole classroom full of friends. We stuck up for one another and never snitched on each other.
When we graduated from eighth grade and started high school - it was like being let out of prison, there was so much freedom in high school, at least for us sheltered Catholic school kids. But the nuns had taught us well and we had us a good solid foundation that we continued to build on. Not that the public school kids did not have that, but lets just say they did not have the same strictness in grade school.

Some friendships lasted during high school - while others drifted apart because of attending different schools. Academic Course  kids would not be in the same classes as those taking the Commercial Course.
But for the most part we still stayed friends, called each other on the phone, had pajama parties and went to dances together. I made other good friends, two of them I traveled with to Pittsburgh everyday for a year while attending Cosmetology School.

 It was inevitable that most of us would drift apart with marriage. children or moving away. I was fortunate that I worked as a hairdresser. Because of that  I was able to see some of my friends when they would come in for an appointment.
Thanks to the social network, Face Book I was found 3 dear friends from grade school. Three of us went to the same high school, but one went to an all girls school Academy.
It has been at least 48 years since we have last seen each other. They all look just like they did in high school, at least to me. It was so great to spend the afternoon with them! After hugging each other we sat down and started to talk and it was as if we had just talked yesterday. What a comfortable feeling and we felt comfortable to talk about whatever subject that came up. Like our one friend said - you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
From that one afternoon lunch we hope to meet every other month for lunch.

On another note:
I loved reading Nancy Drew as a young girl and another series where the heroine was a nurse. Well that nurse and the work she did sounded so wonderful. I wanted to be a nurse and live the exciting life that I read about in the books. A private duty nurse like that - ah, so romantic, a nurse on a ship or in the military service - all these things at my finger tips - so I thought! So I took the Academic course, because I would need to take Latin and Algebra  to have my dreams come true. - - - - - - -
Now - lets stop here for a minute while I tell you------ - - - -- I was not a math person- oh, no! Numbers did not like me at all, even though I tried to get them to.  I could hardly talk English and I thought I was going to conquer Latin, what was I thinkin? But not one teacher or nun  advised me to take the Commercial course, where I know now that I would of thrived.  So there I was, all excited about my classes, I felt  that way for about 2 months and then started to get scared - I hated these classes, if I did not understand something not one teacher ever took the time to stay and explain it to me. If I didn't understand one thing and they went on to the next -then I was really lost. When I talked to the teachers- they said to have one of the students in the class show me. I did ask - my next door neighbor took her time and showed me and I understood, but then the next new chapter started &; I would get lost again - - - my dream of being a nurse was crumbling fast and - - - -- - - - -
If I didn't want to flunk out of school I had to drop Algebra and Latin. I had no choice but to do that.  That dropped me down to the General Course where you were taught a little bit of this and a little bit of that but not enough of everything. I tried to get into the Commercial Course but they said no. I didn't think to tell my parents that and maybe if I did they could of talked to the guidance counselor and worked it out. 
 Now I was at fault also, I liked to have a good time and after my dreams fell through I sort of gave up. General Course was a joke as far as I was concerned. I had a few courses I liked - yep - gym, health, Home-EC, typing, English where we were allowed to read the Readers Digest and then we would have a test on vocabulary words.
I learned more out of high school then I did while going, How you want to know?
I learned all the bones and muscles in the body while going to school, I had to learn formula's for bleach and tint, I had to be creative, I had to pay attention to detail. I had to know how many inches to cut off of some one's head and I read. I read everything I was interested in. I passed first time exam while others failed. I had to learn fractions, especially the 16teenth's. I had to learn how to make boxes before I could work in the office. I learned how to type up different documents - and so very much more, plus my husband taught me how to use the computer. I fudged my way through two jobs saying I could do something I had no knowledge of - but I did it - one job I stayed at for 5 years and one for 13 years.

I'm so glad my sons followed in my husbands footsteps instead of mine. In fact when they read this, if they read this they will probably never let me live this down and give me h double ll.
As this will be part of writing  MY LIFE STORY, I'm already wondering what my great grandchildren will think when they read this.

This is the Mianzo family - my dad's side. Looking straight on, I am on the right side, 1st teenager sitting down.

Comments from Whats in a Name

I love your latest blog. I was named after a song my mother must have loved..."I'll take you home again, Kathleen"

I've often wondered whatever happened to the names Susan, Patricia, Debra that were so popular when we were growing up. Thank God tho that some traditions do pass away and we weren't named Bertha or Gertrude. My husband's oldest granddaughter just had a baby girl and she named her Taviana. Good grief! I named my daughter Jennifer Lyn...my great grandmother was Jenny. I didn't want just a plain Jenny so went with Jennifer. My grandmother was still pleased when I explained I was naming my daughter after her mother but just the more formal version and we would call her Jenny.

By all means tell your sons why you named them what you did.

Hugs
K

Thanks K,  I thank you for leaving your feedback and hope I will hear from others on their opinion of their name.