Tuesday, July 15, 2014

How Many Have You Had?

It has never become acceptable and it never ever becomes easy, it is like the very first time every time it happens.  The stomach clenches, the mouth goes dry, body trembles some, and  appetite has left  completely. Anxiety has taken over, big time and I try not to let it show. Not that I have not had meltdowns, but my wonderful husband is the only one that has been with me through them. Thankfully there have only been a couple this time.
   What is it I am talking about?  It is being told that you have to have  a "Biopsy."  Just the word itself brings a feeling of fear, at least for me it does. Not a fear of having it done, but a fear of what it will show.
   I don't know how many I have had, I truthfully never thought of myself as having to have one, I heard of it but never associated it with me, it never entered my mind - Who me? Nah, not me. Oh - yes, ME.  I have had too many for sure, different names for some but the same name for others.
    I have had two Pet Scans, that number I know is correct, but I can't remember how many CT Scans I have had, maybe more then the biopsy's or maybe just as many. You notice I have not mentioned MRI's, that is because I have a Pacemaker and can't have that test.
      My last biopsy was this past Monday. I was awake through it but very relaxed, they numbed the area and I didn't feel a thing.
There were so many things that could have happened or have gone wrong, but God guided the doctor's hands and it was done with out any complications. I had a wonderful team with me. Thank you all that prayed for me, God answered our prayers.
     Now I am in the waiting process, I should find out on Friday the results when I go to my appointment. Am I anxious - yes, but I will deal with whatever it is, if it is anything. It is in God's hands, though I am praying with all my heart that it comes back negative.
 and would appreciate your prayers also.
     Everybody has some kind of battle they are fighting, but I have to tell you I am awfully tired of worrying, & wondering, - I would truly love to have a free mind - I know there are many of you out there that feel as I do - -  


Sunday, May 18, 2014



So this is what the seventies are all about. People that are in this category (like me) are called elderly, older citizens, or just plain old people. It is hard for me to grasp that I am in this age group.I don't think I should have those names attached to me, because I don't mentally feel  ELDERLY.
 First of all, my mind is young, body not, but from illness, not age. But alas it doesn't change the fact that I am classified as elderly. Me, seriously? Yep,
  I feel comfortable around people of all ages, and love to carry on conversations with the young ones too.. I learn a lot from listening to them. Like so much has changed since I was that age, and yet so much has not. Mothers are mothers, they want what's best for their child and love them unconditionally. When my boys were young, I was a firm believer in what ever Dr. Spock said, today if I  should mention Dr. Spock, young mothers say "who".
 My oldest son is 49, I can hardly believe it, it seems like yesterday that I was that age. I remember being in my forties quite vividly. Our house was very active, in fact my husband called it "Giant Eagle" because it was open 24 hours a day, every day!.
   Not a dull moment at all!  EVER!  Even though our neighbors were decent, they still called the police on us whenever my son Brian would practice playing his drums.  To this day I don't know why they didn't call us instead, didn't they know that the police would tell us who was making the complaint?  Anyhow, we lived with it, but between the music, cub scouts, PTA, sports, and everything else you can imagine fun loving boys would do, I worked. At first at night, then during the day. I wore many different hats during the years but the best one of all was the one that said "Mom", and of course "wife"
We were blessed with relatively healthy kids, with the usual childhood illness, and a lot of strep throat. They were close with each other growing up, played and fought, but made up and played. Close in high school also, each one cheering the other one on in what ever sport event was going on.
   I married young compared to the age of today. I was 20, had my first born at 21, my second at 22, my 3rd at 26 and my fourth at 28, all beautiful healthy boys.
   All those wonderful years are behind me, now I have beautiful, loving grandchildren to see grow. I am blessed to have 6 girls and 1 boy. All those years of never being able to buy frilly, girly things and I finally get to spoil too my hearts content "girls" and my little guy is easy to spoil, he is so lovable.
  My kids are now living my life and my husbands life, we watch, admire and enjoy the great job they are doing and are so proud of all of them. They are good men, loyal, trustworthy, loving and compassionate and kind. 
   Times are changing, and have been for quite some time, so as time marches on, so does our age.  I guess to a 30, 40, or 50 year old, we, who are in our seventies are elderly, We honestly are not, we still have a lot of spunk in us, so don't write us off as elderly or old.
   One day you will be in our shoes and know of what I write
  I hope I am blessed to live the rest of my seventies, I want to see my grandchildren grow, make decisions on schooling, etc. I would like to see the first woman become President, I would like to see a cure for cancer, I would like to see peace in the world, I would like to see all children in loving homes, heck there is so much I would like to see including many, many, more days of new beginnings. God willing and the creek don't rise, maybe I will.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Whatever Happened to - - - - - - - - -?

 So I sit here and realize I have no right to complain. I am blessed more then most and in more ways then one.... But - yes, I am going to complain, and many will think I have no right (if it helps any, I feel guilty doing so)
       What has happened to the old traditions? Some of the young parents today are setting a new tradition for their children. Children learn from their parents, and so it goes without saying that they won't know what days are special if it is not celebrated. That means their children won't know  the tradition because it will be treated as just another day.
        There is the possibility that young parents today didn't celebrate traditions because their mom and dad didn't, therefore they didn't know any better.
      Okay, I know I am rambling, it's just that I have so much I want to put down and it is getting jumbled up in my brain.
       There are 7 days in a week. Those days, for some, are filled from morning to night working, doing chores, being a spouse, caring for children, helping with homework, taking part in activities, being a chauffeur, and attending their children's activities. That's fantastic and wonderful that they do all that, plus they take an interest by going to all their kids extracurricular activities.
       Mind boggling for sure. I have 4 sons and when they were growing up and involved in different activities, it was hard for me to be at every one's activity if it was held on the same day at the same time. Their dad would hit two and I would hit two, but many times their dad was involved in one of the sons activities, so I had to go to the other 3 . Whew, we were all exhausted when the day was done. But there was "Sunday"
      Today Sunday is treated like any other day of the week. Of course hospitals, police, firemen are expected to work to keep us all safe, even back then, but it still use to be such a relaxing, traditional family day. Go to church, home for breakfast, read the Sunday paper, visit your parents or if lucky enough your grandparents, or they would visit us.
I use to go with my parents and visit their siblings too. What I use to hate is when we would stay for the weekend at my grandmothers. At that time children were seen but not heard, so I was ignored. While the adults gathered around the table I sat in the living room. At that time my brother was not born yet and none of my cousins lived close by, so it was quite lonely.  I found my love of reading through all those weekend stay overs and I lived the lives of Nancy Drew, Little Women, Black Beauty, Heidi, and Tom Sawyer.   I was a nurse, a detective, a farm girl, oh so many lives I lived reading those books. They saved me.
       Mother's Day - I know for a fact that as a kid we didn't have activities and our kids did not have activities on that day or Father's Day. Those days were set aside to honor our parents, those of us fortunate enough to still have them around. 
     Did you know when I was a child and teen, and even as a young adult, that on Mother's Day,  if your mom was living you would wear a pink carnation, and if your mom had passed on, it would be a white one. Another tradition that went by the wayside. And while I think about it - the tradition of wearing a hat and/or wearing a orchid on Easter has been forgotten also, just like not wearing white gloves anymore. I still have mine in my cedar chest from way back when.
       If I were a parent today and my kids had an activity on one of those two days (that only happened once a year,) they would not be permitted to attend unless it did not interfere with visiting their grandmothers or grandfathers .
      What the punishment would be I don't know. But I do know that in our house it was a very important that we spent time with both of my grandmothers and I carried that on when we became parents.

        Whatever happened to priorities?

Thursday, March 6, 2014

CITY GIRL - scrool down to read


This 2014 winter reminds me of the old time winters back in the late 40s and in the 1950's. Winter consisted of continuous snow days and was taken with a grain of salt. It was winter, and that meant snow. No one was ever disappointed.

     I lived in the city as a child and teenager, walking was a given. Kids walked everywhere, school, home for lunch, back from lunch, back to school, to the store, dentist, doctor.  If parents didn't want their kids to go, they made them stay home and the next day wrote an excuse to the teacher that their child was  sick. The adults walked also, everything a person needed was in walking distance when living in the city.
   My friends and I played in the snow constantly. We made snow angels, built snowmen, went sled riding. had snow ball battles and built forts out of snow. I never went skiing or ice-skating. It was never mentioned or it wasn't popular with my group.

  In order for the cars to go in the snow, ice, or both, snow tires always had to be used. All the cars were rear wheel driven during those years. When it was really bad, metal chains had to be put on all four tires.   The chains had to be straight on the ground, then back the car on top of the chains, when that was done, the chains had to be connected to the two ends that were loose around the wheel.
 In the glove compartment of the car was a box of monkey links. Every car had to have this box because if the chain busted it would continually hit against the inside of the wheel well and that could cause a hole.

    If a chain would break you would have to see what chain it was and position the tire so you could connect the two broken pieces with the monkey link than the weight of the car would compress the chain together and you could be on your way. One thing you never wanted to do was drive on dry pavement with chains still on the tires, - they broke instantly. I can still remember seeing the cardboard  box in the trunk with the rusty old chains inside.

   They were truly a pain in the arse to use, but cars didn't have front wheel, all wheel, or four wheel drive back then, only Jeeps.  Today the mail trucks, and fire trucks still use chains when they need them, They never know where they will end up going and even with four wheel drive, they still need chains in some situations.
     I miss my Jeep, I could go anywhere driving and feel absolutely safe. Now I have a front wheel drive with winter tires. No, I do not feel safe in it and I hope someday I will again be driving a Jeep.
    I loved being a city girl, and it was very difficult for me to adjust to not being able to walk to where I needed to go once I married. We lived in Port Vue, which is on a hill. In order to go to the store or visit the doctor's office, a person had to have a car to drive. We remained a one car family until we built our home in Springdale Township. With kids growing up and going here and there
we needed two cars and have had two ever since.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A Day of Purpose

  People stare at me everywhere I go, it's not because I'm pretty, and it's not because I'm dressed in the latest style. Why? It's because I have a 10 cc incision hernia that makes me look dreadfully fat and at the same time pregnant and lopsided.  I have accepted it. They can't operate because it would be risky and I have gone to more then one doctor.
  If I were younger this would bother the hell out of me. But at my age I could care less, I'm not looking to impress anyone. I work at a place where they accept me as I am and for who I am. I love these people, they are real - - -
   If I were still working where I worked last, I could not say this, as they dressed for show and yes, so did I, I loved looking my best and I loved clothes. I could start a clothing shop in my home as of this morning with all the clothes I have that are in style but I no longer fit into..
   Which is why I am writing this because, today we spent time up in my so called clothes closet, which is actually a spare bedroom filled with clothes on racks and in bushel baskets (yes, I'm ashamed to say, I was materialistic). Why do I still have them you ask? Like with most, I thought I would lose the weight and get back into them and my husband kept thinking that way even when I realized it was not going to happen.
   Today was de-clutter day, and boy did I ever. It felt so good to fill up big plastic bags with clothes to give to 2 different places and three bags of sweaters. Yep, a lot still had price tags on them, and anyone who knew me back when, can remember me always wearing long sleeve white shirts - they were still in good shape from the cleaners wrapped in plastic.
Now  I have a nice clean room to decorate but next stop is the computer room Yi Yi Yi, Yi Yi

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Christmas 2013

  As I go into the brightly cheerful stores and when I drive by the houses so nicely decorated, I can't help but wonder how the people really are that I passed in the stores and who live in those homes.
  The young families with children running around have to be the happiest, or maybe it's the son or daughter who came home from the service to their family, it could be the family who found out that their loved ones medical tests came back all clear. Or how about the couple whose adoption papers were approved and they will have a new son or daughter to celebrate the holidays with.
    I can think of all kind of happy situations that might be happening, but then I can also think of so much sadness people must be going through at this "happy" time of year. There is the man who lost his wife a few months back, his heart is hurting and he is missing her terribly, then there is the woman who just recently lost her husband and is trying very bravely to carry on with the same traditions this holiday season for her children, even though her heart is broken. The dad who lost his job and wondering how he will feed his family for Christmas plus keep his children happy and healthy. The family who loves their son who is paralyzed from the chest down and wants to die, but they want him to want to live. People who are awaiting tests results and are afraid of what they will find out,
     So much goes on in this world of ours, but all of us are totally wrapped up in our own little world. I should not say all of us, as there are so many wonderful volunteers and organizations out there that are doing their best to make it a warm, fulfilled holiday season for the homeless, the unemployed, the people who are disabled and many more. 
     I feel sorry for people who are still carrying grudges from years ago, unable to forgive, and how could I forget the people who are alone for Christmas. Either they don't have family left, are newly divorced with out family around, or are orphaned. Maybe they are in a nursing home with no one to visit at any time not just during the holiday season.
     The fact is, this is life, the whole journey of life. Man's inhumanity to man. The third world country's are truly not thinking about the Christmas traditions right now. A lot of them are just trying to survive from being shot at, or everything including human life washed away from terrible floods. 
   Actually this can apply to right here, in our world also and does.
     Let us be thankful for what we have, and somehow be able to help people less fortunate. I know that Springdale Library has a Santa Helpers tree for a couple of family's less fortunate then some of us. If you want to pick a snowman, stop in and do so.
     Wishing you all good health, peace of mind and quiet of day.
     Let us remember the true meaning of Christmas is the birth of our Lord, Jesus.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Dino, but to some Gino

   I just turned off the television, and I'm ready to shut the laptop down and head on to bed. I glanced around the living room to make sure everything is status qu before heading upstairs when my eyes land on toys scattered by the fireplace. Toys!
My sons are grown and married, so at first it does not register why there are toys laying around on the rug, Then I realize they are my kitty Kat's toys.
    I guess Dino was bored and took all of his little toys out of his basket, I surmise he was looking for a certain little mouse he loves to play with. I had to chuckle to myself seeing him cuddled up on the rocker fast asleep and his toys on the rug, it sort of tugged at my heart. He is a bad one, this kitty Kat of mine, but I love him even though he loves to bite. He can be trying to bite my ankles one minute and then turn around and be so lovable. He definitely is Bi-Polar. I never know what to expect out of him. Out of the blue he will jump up and try to bite my arm, but yet sometimes when I am on the couch he will jump up onto my lap and sleep. I try not to move when he does this as I don't want to wake him, Ron thinks I'm crazy doing this and just shakes his head at me.
    We have always had dogs, but when our last one had to put down I knew it would not be fair to have another one. With both of us working all day and things to do on the weekend, he or she would be one lonely mutt. So I decided on a cat, even though I had never had a cat as a pet before. We got our first one at the no kill animal shelter, a beautiful long haired black cat who was so laid back and lovable. We named him Dakota and had him for many years until he got sick and had to be put down. The house felt empty after that, no kids, no animals, I hated the quiet, even the television or radio didn't help.
     One day two years ago, I went up to the mall to the pet store. In my mind I doubted that they would have any cats, but lo and behold they had 3 black and 2 gray and white. Now you think after having all black dogs and a black cat, I would go for the gray ones, right? Wrong,  two of the black ones were brothers and I knew better then to bring two home, so I asked to see the one who was with the gray ones. The guy brought him out to me and sort of just shoved him into my arms, I was taken aback at the rough way he handled him, so I start talking soothingly and petting him at the same time. We both adjusted to each other and he settled in my lap content with my petting him. 
    Of course I  brought him home. He was very scared and nervous at his new surroundings and hid under the bed for what seemed like forever. We let him be so he could get used to us and the house. He finally got brave enough to come out for food and to use the liter box, but hurried right back under the bed again. Gradually, after much coaxing I got him to come to me and he let me pet him.  He started to stay out in the open more and more till finally he felt safe I guess.  He is in no way like Dakota. Dino is afraid of his own shadow and jumps at the slightest noise, it doesn't help that my husband does not like him and hollers at him a lot, it just makes him more skittish.
       He loves my son Brian and me. When I am home alone with Dino he follows me around and has to be in the same room as I am in. I feel good that he trusts me, but I am not so sure I can trust him!
He doesn't fetch the ball and bring it back to us like Dakota did, and he is not crazy about the laser light when I try to play with him, but he does love his toys and has favorites, he will also chase his tail forever and that entertains him, Go figure!
        Hey!!   I think I just broke the writers block I have been in by writing this!! yea for me.
Wishing you a very healthy, happy and safe Thanksgiving enjoyed with your family.

Dee's shared items


This time of year makes me think of all of those things I have to be thankful for - - - -
my husband
my children
my grandchildren
my health
my freedom
always thankful for friends made