WHY -TELL ME

Why do people feel as if they have to explain themselves?

Well, not all people, my husband doesn't feel that way. Maybe only women feel that way? not all women? There are a lot of people I know that say they don't care what people think of them.

Me, I always feel as if I have to explain myself. I blame it on going to Catholic school; those nuns really did a job on me, probably most of us! They gave us that Catholic guilt and we swallowed it, hook, line and sinker.
I get so mad at myself for feeling this way. I have no reason to feel I have to explain myself. My character should be enough, but yet I do get concerned.
I have such mixed feelings about life in general. I have so much to be thankful for and should not complain about anything, actually I am thankful I can complain, but I have no right to. It's all petty stuff that don't make a hill of beans. Is that the right saying? hmm? Let me know, those of you who read this.
I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. The small material stuff. But IS IT considered the small stuff that I sweat about the disfigurement of my body? The every time I look in the mirror I see disfigurement? Every time I take a shower I see disfigurement in another area . Every time I go somewhere I am self conscious, will that ever go away?  Will I ever lose the weight so I can have the physical disfigurement taken care of? At my age am I brave enough or able to have it done?

Five and a half years of living since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer, should I even care about the above?

Let me change the subject to the BIG STUFF  - - - -
Just today I read about another Catholic priest who fathered a child while a priest. Reading about them being pedophile’s, having relationships with women, and fathering children, my faith in the priesthood is diminishing.  

Now maybe the percentage is not that high of the ones we hear about in the news, or read about in the paper. No matter, it’s still too high for me. They are representing our Lord and took the vow to be chaste.

Reading and hearing that the church covers most of it up and sends them to another parish where they can repeat the offense

 really leaves me down hearted and doubtful of my beliefs.

Not my belief in God, but my belief in the majority of the ones that run the church. The man made rules. Confession to confess your sins from a man representing God, I haven’t believed that for a long time. I tell God my sins and there is a part in the Mass that asks God to heal us.

So, what is a person to do? Right now at the church I belong to is a priest whose sermons don’t reach me, doesn’t stay with me. So we don’t go to that church, we go to another one where the pastor we think is wonderful. He reaches inside of us with his sermons, the music moves our soul and we leave feeling renewed.

What are your thoughts?