Dino, but to some Gino

   I just turned off the television, and I'm ready to shut the laptop down and head on to bed. I glanced around the living room to make sure everything is status qu before heading upstairs when my eyes land on toys scattered by the fireplace. Toys!
My sons are grown and married, so at first it does not register why there are toys laying around on the rug, Then I realize they are my kitty Kat's toys.
    I guess Dino was bored and took all of his little toys out of his basket, I surmise he was looking for a certain little mouse he loves to play with. I had to chuckle to myself seeing him cuddled up on the rocker fast asleep and his toys on the rug, it sort of tugged at my heart. He is a bad one, this kitty Kat of mine, but I love him even though he loves to bite. He can be trying to bite my ankles one minute and then turn around and be so lovable. He definitely is Bi-Polar. I never know what to expect out of him. Out of the blue he will jump up and try to bite my arm, but yet sometimes when I am on the couch he will jump up onto my lap and sleep. I try not to move when he does this as I don't want to wake him, Ron thinks I'm crazy doing this and just shakes his head at me.
    We have always had dogs, but when our last one had to put down I knew it would not be fair to have another one. With both of us working all day and things to do on the weekend, he or she would be one lonely mutt. So I decided on a cat, even though I had never had a cat as a pet before. We got our first one at the no kill animal shelter, a beautiful long haired black cat who was so laid back and lovable. We named him Dakota and had him for many years until he got sick and had to be put down. The house felt empty after that, no kids, no animals, I hated the quiet, even the television or radio didn't help.
     One day two years ago, I went up to the mall to the pet store. In my mind I doubted that they would have any cats, but lo and behold they had 3 black and 2 gray and white. Now you think after having all black dogs and a black cat, I would go for the gray ones, right? Wrong,  two of the black ones were brothers and I knew better then to bring two home, so I asked to see the one who was with the gray ones. The guy brought him out to me and sort of just shoved him into my arms, I was taken aback at the rough way he handled him, so I start talking soothingly and petting him at the same time. We both adjusted to each other and he settled in my lap content with my petting him. 
    Of course I  brought him home. He was very scared and nervous at his new surroundings and hid under the bed for what seemed like forever. We let him be so he could get used to us and the house. He finally got brave enough to come out for food and to use the liter box, but hurried right back under the bed again. Gradually, after much coaxing I got him to come to me and he let me pet him.  He started to stay out in the open more and more till finally he felt safe .  He is in no way like Dakota. Dino is afraid of his own shadow and jumps at the slightest noise, it doesn't help that my husband does not like him and hollers at him a lot, it just makes him more skittish.
       He loves my son Brian and me. When I am home alone with Dino he follows me around and has to be in the same room as I am in. I feel good that he trusts me, but I am not so sure I can trust him!
He doesn't fetch the ball and bring it back to us like Dakota did, and he is not crazy about the laser light when I try to play with him, but he does love his toys and has favorites, he will also chase his tail forever and that entertains him, Go figure!

        Hey!!   I think I just broke the writers block I have been in by writing this!! yea for me.

Wishing you a very healthy, happy and safe Thanksgiving enjoyed with your family.

DOUBTFUL THOUGHTS BE GONE

  This morning I read where another one of my pink sisters passed away. She's a dear soul who was diagnosed after my second diagnoses. We became friends through one of the support groups I belong to on line.
  Yes, I'm SCARED - Yesterday I was so positive and today I am full of doubt. Lori was so hopeful and positive. She tried the natural way of treatment first and when that didn't work she went with the chemo. So many of my sisters are losing their battle after fighting so hard. Young women that have young children, Lori who is in her early fifties with young adult children.
  I can't help but ask WHY!  They need money for research that they don't have, which ties their hands from doing more - they have money for all other kind of research that is truly not life threatening why not put that money towards a cure for cancer instead?
   I know I have faith, but when reading of the loss of a sister all of my doubts resurface, all of my anxieties awaken because Lori was like the rest of us. She wanted to live for her family and to see them grow, for grandchildren, for life it self and she didn't - - -  -
  Venting my frustrations and fears out loud and praying, praying hard for faith once more to be mine and to realize that I have to have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things I can, I have to keep saying this like a mantra till it is embedded in my head.
   May God bless Lori's family with strength to get through this terrible terrible time - Rest in peace my friend - you will be missed by so many

FINALLY!



   






Why do I write this stuff ?  Better yet, why do I share it?
Other people would never admit on paper to these feelings or voice their opinion. But, here I am doing it - - - why am I even thinking this way when ever I hardly have a following, my kids don't read it, my family either. So basically I am writing it for myself and to share my feelings with my great grandchildren, my great, great grandchildren. They will either think I am an old coot, or a wacko Italian lady. But hopefully they will realize how very important my family is to me and feel the love I have for all of them. 


     I came upon a very interesting article today. It was in the USA Weekend insert of the Sunday paper. The article hit home with me because it proved that I am not asking for the impossible.  For years I have suggested to do this, but there is always a problem or reason why it could not happen.
    Now, I'm not making light of the fact that  everyone is busy in this fast pace world of ours, and it is hard to get 5 families together at one time, but after reading : Kids. Parents. Grandparents. I see that it can work out ! If everyone really wants it to happen, then it can.
     O Happy Day!, What a wonderful feeling to know other people feel like me. That I am not a wacko, crazy mother, mother-in-law, friend or what ever else people have thought of me.
    This is what I have hoped for, and still hope for. What I would love for our family to do, and by reading this article today, I see that other families work at making it happen.  
    Here is what the article said that made me so jubilant:
More and more families want to travel together, key word here is "WANT TO."
    It went on to say, "and not just with dad, mom and the kids. Retirees and working Baby Boomers want to gather the group, bringing along adult children and grandchildren"  Why?
" Because these special times together create powerful bonds that money can't buy. "
    Halleluiah! The guilt that has left my shoulders is immense. All these years I was told that most families do not want to. I, even after hearing this, said I don't care if other families don't, I would like our family to. It went in one ear and out the other.
       Though in  the early years there were good vacations, times when the grand parents, the parents and two siblings plus a fiancé' went, but not all of the siblings.
       There was the trip to New Hampshire for a week that  I remember. The laughter was abundant looking for "Elk" we never found. How many hours it took us to get out of Pennsylvania was hysterical to us. We wished the others were there to enjoy it with us too.
      There are other moments that stand out in memory but I won't bore you with the details, the fact is - that it happened with a mixed age group and everyone had fun.
       A year ago two families went with us for an extended weekend to the lake. It was lovely even though I could not get around very good, and went to bed earlier than anyone else. I was probably a bump on the log to them, but I enjoyed and hope they enjoyed being able to enjoy nature with extended family.
      I have to say that my real dream did happen years ago, we were all together for one week. The grandkids were so little that they probably don't remember one bit of it.
      It was the happiest of times. Having all the grandchildren playing together,  what I remember the most is the laughter, playing Frisbee on the beach, flying kites or trying to fly them. Relaxed, carefree times. But, that was a long time ago, at least 9 years ago.
      Those were the years that I was able to enjoy doing the things everyone else did, those were the times I wanted everyone to be together so we could all enjoy doing. Hike, bike ride, go far out in the ocean, take boat rides, do fun stuff.
    I know I can't have all that I want. I know that I'm blessed to have my family close by, and I am very thankful. But does that mean I can't spend a week of quality time with them, making memories with the grandchildren, getting to know them on a day to day bases, them getting to know their grandparents?   Having breakfast together, time to talk without having to rush here or there?
   I never went on a vacation with  my grandparents, but I stayed with them for a week, and with my one grandmother a year because my mother was seriously ill. I got to know them and they me, and we had fun together and grew closer.
   There were a few camping weekends my husband and I went on with two families. That's how they celebrated their dad's birthday and he loved it, but that stopped years ago too, when no one went the extra mile to continue to make it work.
     Is it playing favorites to say that one family will always take the time for us, will go away with us?  They try to work with the others to get them to go to?  I don't think its playing favorites, I think it shows that one family cares enough to work on making it happen.
      I am aware that there are other families that don't care to go with their kids on vacation, or that the kids don't want to go on vacation with their parents, That it is not important for them to be together, or maybe the kids parent's have died and there is no opportunity for them to go together.
       If they are happy with that, fine. But just because they are,  does not mean everyone is.
         Maybe it is more important to me these last seven years because of my health, maybe I'm trying to make lasting memories,
maybe I want to share more of my time with those I love in any way I can, even though they have their own lives. 
   
If a telephone call can soothe the soul, can you imagine what a week together with family would do?

Will I publish this? Should I publish this? That is the question