The Silverware Drawer

   Putting away my silverware this morning brought back childhood memories of yore.
I remember having to put the silverware in the drawer one on top of the other, perfectly, and it stayed that way!
    I can still see it in my mind, the times I would get a spoon or fork out of the drawer, it was always so picture perfect.
   My mom's bowls, glasses and cups were always put perfectly in the cupboards, that it looked like a picture out of  magazine.  Even her pots and pans. Mom was short and it was hard for her to reach the shelves in the cupboards, but somehow she always managed to do so.
   I wish I could be more like my mother I thought this morning. So while putting the silverware away, I did it the way my parents did, and it looks great. It will stay that way until this evening, then it will go back to looking sloppy, they will be all be in the correct slots ,but haphazardly for sure. Why.? because we are always in a rush to get things done. Same goes for the rest of the cupboards.    
  Back when I was a child, my mom didn't work and therefore had the time to do everything perfectly, even after I married and had children, hers were always perfect. She had two children 8 years apart, which had to help her keep things so neat. My way of thinking anyhow.
   I went to lunch with a few school friends a while back and the one asked me if I kept my clothing drawers as neat as my mom did, she remembered staying over and seeing how neat my socks, etc., were put in the drawers. I had to tell her no, not even close.
   Me, I had 4 young boys growing up close together in age, and I worked. My cupboards looked like someone had ransacked them looking for a treasure. True, I have two dining room cupboards where everything is neat as a pin, but that's it. Don't open a kitchen cupboard door unless your hand is out ready to catch a pot lid!  I am pretty good with my dishes and bowls in the dry sink, but the one that is used the most is a mess.  I grab the first bowl that is handy and I use that, I don't take the time to get a nice bowl, and I have to say I have some nice bowls, old fashion ones that I love, but never use. I can't say the same for my husband. When he cooks, which is pretty often, he does take time to use the nice old fashion ones and they look great on the table. He has his mom's artistic touch and patience.
    Even today, with the kids grown and out of the house I still do not take the time, maybe because I still work part time, and my health has not been that great. Thank goodness for my husband who makes the dining room table look so inviting when we have dinner - -
   What about you out there? Tell me about your cupboards please.

AND THEN IT WAS OVER

  Ron's mother, Anna Marie Clark painted this beautiful picture of clothes hanging on the line. I had bought a box of cards with this picture on the front, I totally loved the picture the moment my eyes focused on it.  I asked Mom (I call her Mom, an excellent artist) if she could paint it for me so I could always look at it.
 As you can see, she did a fantastic job and it hangs in my dining room by the door leading outside that I go through to hang clothes (b/4 cancer}.
   I feel a sense of peace when I look at it, which is almost every morning since I face it when eating breakfast. I also feel peaceful looking into our back yard seeing the flowers and shrubs, along with tomatoes turning red on the vines. First year no blight on my tomatoes.
   The birds have been coming back to visit us, probably because I started to feed them regularly again. "Feed them and they will come!" Where have we heard that before?  Ops,  no it's
"Build it and they will come"  the baseball movie. Except for little Wren, she is done having babies I guess and won't return till next spring hopefully. God willing and the creek don't rise.
  I am starting to feel like I'm  walking on solid ground, my feet no longer stand shaking and unsteady as if I were about to fall over.
No, I almost but not quite, feel firmly planted on the ground, they are starting to be dependable and strong, with a cane of course, but hey, I'll take it.
  For how long I am not sure, but - each - day - is a gift that I welcome with my whole being, I so appreciate and enjoy the days more then ever before.
   I have the gift of joy,  right now the elephant is off of my back and I feel free.  I realize I don't have to travel to enjoy life, -  life is right here,  right now,  in front of me, living normally and appreciating every day.
    I am so thankful to God for blessing me with another new beginning. Thank you dear Lord.
    I go back to work tomorrow, something I didn't think I would be able to do, but it is happening and I am so excited. I feel like a little kid starting school for the first time. I have a wonderful Director, and a fun staff who enjoy their work . I am blessed.
      I have to thank so many for their encouragement to finish treatment, my sons & their family, my mentor, my nurse navigator - they are the ones who gave me the strength to keep going for treatments. I had so many side affects, so many crying jags, I was frightened - Ron was frightened that I would not make it through the treatments - so much uncertainty and not enough faith in God.
    I am so very thankful for all the prayers said for me, no words can convey how thankful I am along with the caring shown, plus all of the wonderful encouraging cards.  
   To a Pastor I never met before, who sat at my dining room table and listened to me pour out my heart and soul to him, then we prayed together and he blessed me and I felt at peace for the first time since the 2nd diagnoses . My mentor made that possible, I am  thankful to her for that. That was the turning point in accepting that this was happening to me again and for me to do something about it.
                               AND AS RIGHT NOW
    Happy days are here again, the sky above it clear again,
    Let us sing a song of cheer again Happy days are here again - - -  
                                         of course there is always "what if" - but we won't go there