I Remember MAMA

I stopped awhile and smelled the flowers today. I was thinking of my Mom  and  I realized that precious memories were slipping away.  I never saw my Mom old. She passed at 73, but she looked like she was 63. My Mom was pretty, and she had class. She knew how to dress in style, her makeup was perfect, as was her hair, She had good, strong nails and they were always manicured. I never saw them messed up and she worked hard..

I don't know much about my mom's childhood years. I know she was born at home in Forbes Road, PA, a small mining town right outside of Greensburg. Her mother named her Nina Rose, but seeing how ill she was as an infant, she changed the name to Rose Dolores. My grandmother believed if she changed my mother's name, she would get well, and she did.

 My mom was one of 8, there were 3 girls and 5 boys. One brother died at the age of 10 from polio. My grandmother was married to a mean man, it was an arranged marriage made by my great grandfather. He wanted his daughter to be able to go to America so she could have a good life, and by the arranged marriage she did. She came over at age 15 on the boat by herself, where so many including her were sea sick.
She came through Ellis Island and did not know or understand one word of English. Not one of their kids graduated from high school. The depression was on and they had to find jobs to supplement my grandparents income. They delivered papers, baked cookies, and my grandmother did sewing for people.

I know when my mom became older she moved out to Squirrel Hill, where her one sister was working as  cleaning lady. My aunt helped my mom get a job as a domestic. *maid.  The people she worked for taught her well, she was always cleaning at home, our house was spotless, you could eat off of the basement floor. She was also one terrific cook and made delicious home made rolls and deserts.

I'm missing my mom today, and my dad. It is a beautiful day, it would be a perfect day for me to visit them, or they me. I can't even drive to the cemetery, it is a forty minute drive one way, located in Braddock Hills.
 I am a local driver, I never go out of my comfort zone, which explains why I don't drive to a lot of places I want to go to, like the cemetery.
My Mom and Dad graves are on top of the hill, they are surrounded by my dad's parents and siblings. I use to be able to climb the short hill, but no longer will my knees get me up there. Trees are not on the section where they are , it is all open. My brother goes out there often to  make sure the graves are maintained.

I had the radio on and the song, "Smile"( even though your heart is breaking ) came on, it reminded me so much of my Mom. The words described her to a T.,  she never complained about her life or her health.  She was widowed at the young age of 55. My dad was 11 years older and had just turned 66 when he passed. away  in 1976.

Mom never remarried, I don't even know if she wanted to. I never asked her. I remember at one time she told me that a guy we both knew had asked her to go out and she said no. She was good friends with his wife who had passed years before. I don't think she could love anyone like she loved my dad and I don't believe she could ever find anyone who loved her like my dad, 

When my dad passed, life went on in the same house, I never heard her cry.  She never said  if she was lonely, or sad. And I never asked, it never dawned on me. I looked and saw my parents as solid pillars of strength. Not once did I ever see weakness in either one of them, not even when my dad was told he had cancer, not even when my mom found out it was terminal. They kept their feelings inside, or maybe they shared their thoughts with each other, I hope so. They never reached their anniversary of forty years. I feel so bad when I think of it. Not fair, so not fair.

They never talked about bills, problems, or any unpleasantness to us. I never lacked for anything, I asked and they got it for me. In my senior year of high school I drove my dad's car to school everyday, it was instant popularity. The guys loved the car and the girls all wanted to ride with me. I took having the car for granted, like I did everything else. Years later, I realized how truly blessed I was, and how much my parents indulged me.

My brother lived at home, so after my dad passed, my mom felt needed in taking care of her son, and he took care of her. I think my brother  resented the fact that I lived an hour away, raising four kids, with no time to go out and help. Did I make the time, NO.  Could I have made the time, YES.  Everything fell on him.  He never came right out and said that, but he hinted many a times. never in front of my mom. That would of crushed her

. She thought the sun and moon raised on him, and he could do no wrong. I felt guilty not going out to visit like I should have.  I was the daughter, I wanted to be there, but how could I go visit with four kids at home, and of course the driving problem, though I would of forced myself I think. Towards the end, my mom had COPD, I did not know how serious it was until one day when I called the doctor to ask how my mother was doing. He asked me why I did not visit more, when he told me I should, I realized how serious my mom's health problem was.

My mom had so many friends, just not acquaintances, but good friends. They cared for her and she for them. She always had friends coming and going. While she was healthy she went to the Meadows with them, out to eat, she did so many things and kept busy.
Thank God for all the good friends she had, she was blessed with them.












My son is busy digging up his garden area, he does not have a rototiller. He does not mind he said, it is go exercise.