SO HERE I SIT!

So, here I sit. 

I have no one to blame but myself and I realize this.

 Ron wanted me to go to the gig they are playing at tonight,  I said no, I would not no anyone and be bored sitting there. So, here I sit!

Then I found out about a Pampered Chef party that was being held this evening and was asked if I wanted to go,  I said yes, because I love the stuff plus I would see some people I don't usually see but I said if it was to much of a problem me going, not to worry about it , because of the fact there might not be enough room for me since other people were being picked up, though I didnt think there would be a problem,    - but  here I sit.

I actually was looking forward to staying home by myself, being able to read or watch whatever I wanted on the TV, but a night out with the girls would be more fun - but, here I sit - - -

So instead of reading or watching TV, here I sit - writing on my blog!

For those of you who know about the 12 viles of blood drawn from my arm - I finally got the reports last evening. Most of it is good but there are a few things wrong - my cholestrial is high and I am even on medication! My adreneal gland is slow growth because of the trauma my body has been through since 2006 up until 2009. That's how the Doctor stated it, my body is still traumatized so that explains why I am so tired after working, then my CRP results are not good, so I have to go back for another test on that - to make sure the first test turned out right - this has something to do with my heart. (nice, eh?). Oh, my thyroid,  even with me on medication is on the slow side, so I am taking iodine drops along with the pill.

She was not happy with my weight loss because I did not lose as much as she expected I would. So, here I sit,   pondering all of the above - - -if there is one thing I do not like to do it's "ponder" - - -so, here I sit!

I have to admit at my age, I'm tired - tired of trying - - to excercise,  tired of trying - - to watch what I eat - I've been there, done that - twice to be exact and succeeded. I was younger, ambitious and wanted the challenge -

My husband, my one son are both on my case which does not sit well with me,  but I know they want the best for me and care what happens. But do I ? - that is the question - so here I sit - - -

I have a gawd awful hernia that sticks out like you would not believe, it's awful and nothing I wear can hide it - nothing! if I choose to have it operated on now, there is a chance that I will  develop lung infections or problems since they would have to put the intestens back inside and also the fat on my body which would all press up against my diaphram making it hard to breathe - - scares the begees out of me because of all the lung problems in my immediate family - - They want me to lose weight - 25 to 35 lbs b/4 they operate

 so here I sit - - tired, discouraged and without the gumption that was once a big part of me.  I would love to have a personal trainer come to the house, I would be commited, I am not good at commiting to go the gym,

I would be to tired, it would be to late, I would always have an excuse  damn, I've depressed myself

SO HERE I SIT